The Clutter Fairy » parents

Getting to Know Mom:Stories from the Garage

Gayle — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 19:00:49 +0000

Stories from the Garage

I spent half of October working on big out-of-town projects. First was a return visit to my client with Parkinson’s. She’s moved to assisted living, and I’m helping to clear out her former home. Disabilities make it difficult for her to participate in the work in a meaningful way, but we continue to include her in decision-making—even when the decisions are largely symbolic—to help her cope with the transition to a new living space.

Mom’s garage a month later—still clutter-free enough to park the car inside!

The second project was my mother’s garage. She’s in great health and still fully engaged in her life. But she hasn’t been able to park the car in the garage since she moved to North Carolina 10 years ago, so I went to help dig it out.

She stalled by any means possible—we had to shop, mulch the backyard, and clean her closet—but eventually she surrendered and we got to work. For three days, we sorted through boxes that belonged to her mother and files that had never made it into the house. We discarded broken furniture and old paint, repackaged Christmas decorations, and sorted a huge pile of books.

It was hard for Mom, but she participated all the way. At one point she quietly said, “This process really makes you face your own mortality.” She found herself clearing away old parts of her life, and it gave her pause. But I was glad to listen as she identified photos of herself as a child and pictures of my grandparents as young adults. A great treat for me was her artwork from college, much of which I’d never seen before.

Mom’s beautiful art, no longer a buried treasure

To me, this experience was familiar—I work with many clients to sort through the contents of their parents’ homes. Not knowing why their parents kept what they did makes this tough process even harder. It magnifies the sense of loss to know that there must be untold stories attached to the objects that I carry off to Goodwill.

But working with Mom made the routine process highly personal. I had to admire her for doing the work of sorting and purging her life’s collections now, while she could give the gift of her memories to me. I hope she’ll share more history and tell me why her treasures are special. I’ll cherish those stories when she’s no longer here to tell them.

This article was featured in our November 2010 e-mail newsletter. To subscribe to our newsletter, please use the “Subscribe” form, above right.

The Clutter Fairy is available for one-on-one organizing sessions tailored to your needs. We’ll visit your home or office to perform a free assessment of your space and its potential. Call 713‑816‑9505 or send e-mail to schedule an appointment.

When the Choice Isn’t Yours Anymore

Ed — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 16:00:51 +0000

A Lesson from the Field

I’ve been working with an older woman, the mother of a friend. She’s in her seventies and has Parkinson’s disease. The illness went undiagnosed for a while, and the condition has been hard on mother and daughter alike. I’d say that this doesn’t have much to do with me, except that I’ve been sorting through the mother’s things so the daughter can better manage her mom’s care. And I can’t help but notice and be touched by the special circumstances this situation creates.

As we go through the mother’s things, I’ve been struck by the indignity of the process for her. I try to let her decide what to keep and what to give away, but the truth is that she’s lost most of the ability to make those decisions. That makes the work I do an exercise in balancing respect for the mother and the needs of the daughter in organizing what remains of her mother’s life.

Normally, when I work with clients, I help them make decisions about their personal belongings. I encourage them to keep what’s important to them in their present lives and to let go of what no longer serves them. The work we do together is an active partnership. But my friend’s mom isn’t able to work with me in making those decisions. She can’t actively participate in this aspect of her life, and I can tell that she feels as if she’s giving up more than she’d like.

As an act of defiance against her circumstances, she hides things from me. Before my last visit, she told someone, “Gayle’s coming, I’ve got to start hiding things.” It’s her last stand against losing control of her life, and that makes me sad. It makes me wish I could have helped her earlier, when she could still make decisions about what to keep and what to surrender.

So here’s the lesson for all of us: Make your own choices about your stuff while you can still consciously choose. Don’t wait until those choices are taken away by declining health. Ask for help now, so you can make decisions with your dignity intact. That’s what it’s all about, really. Respect yourself enough to make your own choices. I want to help you with that.

This article was featured in our October 2009 e-mail newsletter. To subscribe to our newsletter, please use the “Subscribe” form, above right.

Untangling Roots: Organizing for Genealogy

Ed — Sat, 16 May 2009 03:19:25 +0000

Researching your family’s genealogy is an entertaining and rewarding hobby. If you’ve been successful in finding information, then you know that it’s also a hobby that generates mountains of data—pedigree charts, wills, journals, diaries, birth and death certificates, marriage licenses, maps, deeds—the list just grows over time. How will you keep up with it all, much less hand over comprehensible information to the next generation?

Many people now use computer database applications to track the results of their genealogical research. But the hobby still generates vast amounts of paper to physically organize. Here are a couple of strategies to build a system that can expand as your collection grows.

Three-ring Binders

Many people new to genealogical research begin organizing their material with a binder for each of their grandparents. Here’s the basic idea:

Set up a three-ring binder for the surname of each grandparent.
In each surname binder, sort materials by first name.
Within each first name, arrange your materials as you like; for example, chronologically or following some other established order.
Use archival-safe sheet protectors for your materials.
Oversized or three-dimensional records (diaries, bibles, framed certificates) should be stored in archival-safe, acid-free boxes or file folders.
For easy reference, place family group sheets at the front of the binder.
Set up a “Miscellaneous Surnames” binder for new names you discover in the course of your research. Once the volume of material warrants it, designate a separate binder for that surname.

Keep these points in mind when using binders:

Never take a surname binder to the library. Losing a binder and its contents would be devastating. (Note: Some libraries and genealogical research sites also place restrictions on what you may bring with you into the facility. We recommend that you check the rules before your research trip.)
Instead, make a separate binder for research trips, with photocopies of pedigree charts and family group sheets.
If you want specific records to go on a research trip, make copies. Originals stay home!
Oversized records don’t work well in binders. If you decide to use on a binder system, you’ll need a place for these larger items, such as a dedicated storage box or file drawer.

Color-coded Hanging File Folders

Although many researchers start with binders, you may find that a color-coded file folder system works better once the volume of information outgrows your binder space. Here’s an outline of such a system:

Start with 16 hanging file folders—four each in four different colors.
The folders themselves and/or the label tabs may be colored.
Each color represents one grandparent’s surname. For example, information about your paternal grandfather and his ancestors might go in a set of blue folders—one for each of his grandparents’ surnames. The four surnames of your paternal grandmother’s grandparents might go in red folders, and so on.
In each surname folder, sort materials by first name.
Within each first name, sort materials according to your system of choice.

Keep these points in mind when using color-coded hanging file folders:

Hanging file folders come in a variety of expandable types, including one- to four-inch box-bottom folders that can accommodate most materials, including oversized and three-dimensional items.
Some maps or very large materials require too much folding to fit in hanging files. Look for supplemental storage containers, such as archival-safe boxes or map tubes.