The Clutter Fairy Weekly Survey #174 Results
Helpers and Hindrances—Clutter and Relationships
Below are the results of our survey about audience experiences related to the topic for episode #174 of The Clutter Fairy Weekly. If you haven’t already done so, please take the survey.
Responses
To view the detailed survey response from any respondent, click on their name in the table below. (You may also find it easier to read long responses in the detailed view.)
| Name (click to view full survey response and comments) | Which household member(s) support your decluttering or organizing efforts, and how? | Which household member(s) complicate your decluttering or organizing efforts, and how? | If you were to wish for one change of behavior in your household with respect to clutter, what would you wish for? | Describe an item about which you have a strong disagreement over whether or not it deserves a place in your home. |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Lisa | While my children were at home, they each supported my efforts by allowing me to help them declutter and organize their rooms. As empty nesters, my husband and I have been working diligently to declutter every area in our home and on our 21 acre property. After we declutter an area, we work together to organize the items we need to keep. Sometimes, he struggles with the sunk costs, but not as much as he previously did. | I hope it becomes easier for my husband to let go of things without thinking about the money items cost. I also hope he has an easier time recognizing what supports his and our real lives as opposed to unrealistic fantasies. | There are almost no disagreements between my husband and me about items in our HOME. We both dislike clutter and don't like having a bunch of stuff. However, when it comes to our 30'x30' shop full of parts, supplies, and tools - electrical, plumbing, automotive, construction, etc. - there have been some strong disagreements through the years about items in those categories. | |
| Tammy s | I live alone so it’s just me doing the cluttering but in therapy I learned I have inner kids and since I survived complex trauma they grew up learning to flee an abusive mom feeling terrified grab socks shoes snacks toys and throw in a bag. I survived abuse and neglect and lack so I feel sad and shame to see how I struggle with hoarding tendencies today even though there is no crises usually this is a trauma response triggered by fight flight freeeze and dissociation. For example I’ll find plastic bags of half eaten food in the back of the fridge or my backpack as if someone put them there but it was me . | I do this myself put it in give away bag and take it back later | I pray for healing and clarity my journey is frustrating. I find supportive people and therapists and groups to help. It’s interesting my sister who grew up in trauma with me is minimal and throws everything out. I want to be more like her but I struggle with fear of letting go and another trauma responses with adhd low executive functioning which paralyzes my decision process | I disagree within myself I can’t let go of a book series I read with my dad 10 years ago because I bonded with him and struggle with my relationship with him now to bond complicated by his vascular dementia. Part of me wants to donate them and more parts of me can’t. |
| Lynn | My grown sons and DIL verbally encourage clearing objects out of the house. | My 85 yo father & I have recently joined households. He brought large pieces of furniture (armoires). He insists that every wall must have furniture. I would enjoy some empty wall space. | We don’t have to keep everything that has a history or memory. | |
| Anja | My wonderful husband does a lot of work and agreed to hire help that has decluttered with him in his room immensely. Decluttering and organizing is just a great project to commit to for both of us. | Sometimes my husband's behaviour irritates me because his organizing style is very different from mine but we keep talking and adjusting and that is such a great gift. | My husband stops any kind of stuff shuffeling but always puts everything in it's proper home rightaway. | My husband's (already downsized) archive of project work which he always say he will work with when he is retired. These decades old paper piles and files take up so much room in our small storage room in the house. *sigh* |
| Anonymous user | Our county has a senior millage (tax money) that offers transportation and cleaning assistance at very low cost (based on income). I have the cleaning service once a week for two hours which motivates me to tidy up before they come so they are able to do their job. My home would be much more cluttered if I didn't have some motivation. | Myself (ADD) so easily distracted. | Myself... follow David Allen's advice... if it takes less than 2 minutes, do it NOW. | |
| Lisa Beth | My son sometimes | My hubby collects inspirational clutter and wrongly ordered objects. | People in my household would leave things picked up and cared for. | Everything in his hobby room. |
| Anonymous user | My husband always cleans the kitchen and keeps it picked up. Puts away dishes. Cleans the bathrooms. Vacuums the house. Always encourages me and is willing to help declutter. He takes items to the goodwill when I have a load to donate. | I was able to give a twin size bed to my daughter (for an extra bed for guests). Which I was glad. We have a bench that i originally used for a shoe bench, nay the front door. But he despises it. So we put it in the basement. | ||
| Ginger | My husband helps me let go of broken stuff I think we should repair. He convinces me Technology has changed and those items are new & improve and/or more energy efficient. He tells me something was good while it lasted - but it’s time has passed. Let it go. | I’m more likely the one to second guess my decision and retrieve things from the declutter pile. My husband is more likely to not want things put away out of sight. | That would be me. I want to get the decluttered items out of the house AND taken away. I have a pile in the garage. It’s getting bigger. | |
| Anonymous user | My daughter keeps her home fairly neat. She aso helps with other household tasks and that frees up some of my time. | My daughter uses many dishes and containers for her meals and she usually dodoes not wash them which leaves the kitchen always looking cluttered. | I wish my daughter wouldn't use so many dishes and containers for her meals. | My daughter and I are both sentimental savers. |
| Anonymous user | My children say no to a lot of things! | MY HUSBAND. I clean out even half a shelf and it's an opportunity for him to store something else he had lying around. | Another easy one: MY HUSBAND! I would love to have "breathing room" in cupboards and closets for instance. My (still very nice) husband never looks behind what's placed in front anyway and goes out to buy things that were pushed away to the back of any storage space. That includes the fridge. We don't need to fill out every square inch. | Three large plastic containers of china that were never used by the previous generation and that will never see the light of day either in our house. A prime example of a deferred decision. |
| C | My husband does vacuuming, grocery shopping, hangs up laundry to dry and sweeps balcony. He'll also take things ( paper, glass metals) to recycling | If I clear a surface, the first one to clutter it is DH w random papers and mail. He'll leave jackets, shirts/ sweaters on the backs of chairs.( for days) A small matter but it annoys me. | I wish DH would remember better where things go, to put things away, like when emptying dishwasher, or dried clothes. | I don't like how DH keeps all kinds of paper/ documents from decades ago and then complains he has no space to put away more recent papers/documents. He doesn't like how I leave all sorts of unfinished crafts in our living room. He hates when I change things to make more efficient use of space. I have had to put up big signs to let him know where a new place is. So...I avoid changing things, for him. |
| Em | Zero. My husband kept his own things organized, did the dishes, and helped with vacuuming and laundry. He has died, so now I have to do it all alone. | My two cats slide whatever they can off of surfaces, including breakables and food. They raid any cupboard, shelf, or closet that they can open. In addition, my husband is cluttering from the grave, in that he left two huge storage lockers stuffed to their ceilings. | Because I am the only human in the household, I guess the change has to be in me. I wish I had the interest, strength, and discipline to get my belongings weeded and in order. I recognize that much of my problem is that I spend a lot of my time (perhaps the majority of it) helping others just for the company, while my own life spirals into deeper chaos. | Part of the problem is that there is no one with whom to share my household, so I have no accountability and can keep all of the junk I want. |
| Sandy | no one | my husband wants to keep everything --- we might need it. | for myself -- to have the energy to complete the task I start and not get overwhelmed or easily distracted. I know the times I'm able to complete a session it feels so good. They just seem to be few and far between. | husbands junk drawer in my 'office'. he hasn't been in it in years. |
| Anonymous user | My cat throws stuff around and knocks things off surfaces. (Typical cat lol) | My cat would behave and follow the rules of where he's not supposed to go and not mess up stuff | ||
| Sandra | My care staff keep the kitchen tidy and organised (as per the systems previously set up to facilitate this) | That I could have the hours that were cut (from 32 to 15 hours per week) from my care so that I could continue with the sorting and organising | As I live alone there is no one to disagree with they are all my decisions but with your help over the years I have become better and more strict with myself over what I keep | |
| Client0 | Husband cleans kitchen regularly, straightens office periodically. Housekeeper does multiple biweekly regular cleaning tasks. I clean craft/dining area, most laundry. | I order baby clothes for my grandchildren & other items, which gathers many packing materials. | Finish post-move unpacking | Breakfast area table & chairs |
| Hila | I am deluttering and organized the stuff in the house. in the kitchen i put everything in the place every day before i go to sleep. in my bedroom i put everything in the place and declutter stuff that i don't need, some of them i donate or recycle. | one of the partner in the apprtment buy too much food, and i need to throw. so i need take out garbage everyday. she also doesnt like to recycle, so i seperated and organized the garbage. | i wish the partner take care about the earth and buy less food and seperate garbage for recycle | |
| CHRISTINE | Nobody helps me here at home. an argument to make my husband help at all. But talking my decluttering progress through with my sister on the phone, helps tremendously | Husband throws fits every time I try to declutter, and even resents bringing things to donations | Husband would be more civil when I ask for his help in decluttering | My husband's old train set. |
| Anonymous user | A friend | me | My garage that could fill another household with the furniture but doesn't allow room for a car | |
| Anonymous user | Husband began supporting by trying to start decluttering his area seen from entryway | My family members leave things out on my kitchen and dining table after I have taken time to clear and given them a place for their use | Family should respect and take notice of areas I have cleared and clean up after themselves witout being asked | Paper clutter and some nicknack items from deceased parents home |
| Evelin | no one 🙁 | no one. I´d love to have help from my husband but he says "it´s all your stuff", he doesn´t interrupt me though | I´d love my husband to walk me through the decluttering process and asking the right questions, reminding me of why I´m doing the decluttering | I do have a traditional musical instrument similar to a guitar, that I played in the high school orchestra. will probably never play it again but it reminds me of good times and it was quite expensive. |
| Anonymous user | My youngest son is very organised and hates clutter even more than me | My older son leaves everything in a pile and resists the idea that perhaps he doesn’t really need any of the stuff at the bottom of said piles… | That my husband and older son would throw away (or recycle, donate etc) things they no longer want WHEN they make that decision (including things like junk mail, packaging etc) rather than putting it off…the number of times they pick something up and then put it back down…argh. | A collection of old laptops that my older son swears he will fix up and sell… |
| Anonymous user | It is just myself, my boyfriend and our 3 cats in my household. None of them contribute to decluttering or organizing. My boyfriend will pull stuff out of a donation pile, out of the trash so I have to donate when he is not around. | My boyfriend is very frustrating when it comes to both. He will pull stuff out of donation pile even though it is my stuff. If I tell him something broke and is in the trash he has to get it out and inspect it to see if it can be fixed. Organized the cans in the pantry and when he was looking for something he was like a little kid and would just sweep the items around. He has gotten better about this after I kept explaining to him if you see a can of corn all the cans behind that one are also corn. He and I both struggle with finishing tasks. If he works on something he just leaves it in a mess. Since listening to Gayle, Ed and viewers' comments I have improved on this but still struggle. | Probably I would wish for both of us to finish what we start. My boyfriend leaves things out and I have to clean up after him. I start cleaning, get worn out then leave stuff out when I should just put it away. | My boyfriend plays paintball and all his gear is very disorganized on our porch. If he would just organize it, I wouldn't mind it so much. Just general stuff that needs to go like a tire for a vehicle he doesn't have anymore. A tent he bought to camp with he said he wasn't going to use again but he won't donate it. He is 6 feet 6 inches tall and his legs hung out of the tent 🙃. |
| Sabina | I live alone so no one | Visitors (family). I am trying to train them to pick up things when they leave. Some success. | ||
| Elle | My mother keeps the kitchen organized, and does her part in putting away things in the rest of the home (which is organized per my design) | My father wants keep EVERYTHING. He is a hoarder. I donate items when he is out of the house. | Stop hoarding papers, and sentimental things ! Or rather LIMIT the sentimental items to a manageable container. | Huge Stainless steel dishes meant to cook for 30 people at a time. We havent EVER cooked for 30 people at a time. |
| Jean | Just me! My husband will take out trash if I leave it in front of the door! | My husband sees no need to go through old papers, he shoves them all into boxes. It is frustrating, I have offered to sort or shred with him in small fifteen minute sessions. Not interested. | Sort your paper clutter! I can handle the shredding or storing. We have coupons from restaurants that no longer exist. And statements from banks that no longer exist. | Huge speakers with disintegrating woofers! Haven’t been usable in thirty years. Five feet tall. One lives in the living room and one takes up half of a closet. |
| Kathy | My husband teases me in my decluttering journey, for example as I pull the books out yet again to purge. But he does encourage me as I let things go and keeps the areas that have been decluttered organized. | Two of my grown children have some of their things in my basement, temporarily. All will be removed by March. Their stuff has made working in the basement more difficult. But, it’s for good reasons and an end is near. I work around it as best I can. | My husband’s paperwork and textbooks from college. He graduated a bit later in life, in 2000. He knows he should let them go but struggles. I think they need to go. | |
| Linda | My husband helps sometime IF it is a common area in the house like the garage or basement. | My adult child with special needs has a hard time letting go of most items, especially childhood toys, books, artwork and nick-nacks. | My husband's huge speakers from the 80's-90's. | |
| Karen | Me, myself and I…I live alone, lol | I am my own worst enemy…sentimental clutter and expensive items are the hardest for me to purge. | Stop being influenced to be a consumer of unnecessary goods. | My mom’s old crutches from a car accident when she was I her 20’s (not her fault). They are made of wood. |
| Marina | My 15 year old daughter helps with organizing and decluttering decisions and is good at letting things go! | That would just be me, sometimes. But getting better at it. | To have more frequent declutter sessions and to sit with me sometimes just to get started. I’m dealing with physical & emotional limitations but can really move forward whenever I have a little help. | The fridge & freezer get cluttered & it bothers my daughter. |
| Amanda | My partner helps with big projects and organizes help for heavy lifting. He's often a reasonable sounding board. | My partner (it's just the two of us for now) likes to sell things rather than donate... Not a terrible thing to do, but not fast or easy. | I wish my partner had a better way to deal with his office than the current "dump and run" strategy. He deserves a better organizational system but I'm not sure what kind would work for him. | My 1992 Encyclopedia Britannica - to my partner it's outdated (true lol), to me it represents my parents' dedication to my education. |
| Marilyn | No one, unfortunately. | My husband is well-meaning, but he does not follow through with any organizational plans. He has orders to fulfill for his work and lets everything go when this happens. It takes days to clean up after, and he misplaced everything. He spends endless amounts of time looking for lost items, and he is not neat about his searches. He does not see the confusion that it creates. He is also becoming somewhat of a hoarder as he gets older. He is afraid to let go of papers but does not organize them so he can retrieve them if he needs them. I am not overly neat, but I can locate my materials. I have a method of organization and have places for everything. I take the time to remove clutter, as it is difficult for me to work in a disorganized space. He has to stay out of my areas and I do not try to organize his. He does not like my methods. | I would ask that my husband keep his materials organized and have places for everything. I would also ask that he not retain unnecessary items that he can never retrieve when he needs them. I would ask that he not leave items wherever he is at the time without ever replacing them where they belong and not stack items on top of other things. | Old books when the information is outdated and you can find all the information on the internet. My husband wants to keep them for reference. |
| Anita | Husband has been sorting, thinning and making notes for distribution of his many collectibles. Kids have been prompt for n answering my email or text questions about “Do any of you want this thingamajig?” | Husband sees No Rush in making decisions about stuff. This lowers my energy or raises my frustration | Encouragement for our progress… a shared satisfaction as spaces are opened up. | My deceased father’s old console tv in the basement with its videotape player and stacks of tapes. Yes, “we could “ watch those tapes while on the treadmill… but we don’t! |
| Lela | None | A few moments ago, before I clicked on this survey, I tried to sell an old outdoor light up Christmas snowman on Facebook. Suddenly, I get a message from my young-adult daughter saying “You are getting rid of Frosty?!?! Don’t get rid of Frosty!“ She said “You’re Marie Kondo-ing my childhood!” | I wish they could focus more on today, rather than being so sentimental about the past. Memories are in our minds, not in objects. | I don’t believe we need my husband’s helmet from the army reserves 30 years ago or such a large box of the newspaper articles he wrote 20 years ago (he’s a journalist). I think a photo of the helmet, and a few special clippings of the newspaper articles would be sufficient. |
| Susan | lol lol lol Thanks for the laugh! | Husband. Complains about clutter, but adds his own mess to the mixture. | That things would be put back where they were they belong and to pick up after your own self. Using a plate? Wash it yourself instead of leaving it for someone else to clean. | Food storage. If the last three years taught us anything it's to be prepared. |
| Michelle | I clean and organize as much as time allows. The guys in my home do not | Husband wants to hold onto everything or total procrastination to clean his closet. Son cleans his space once on a while only | See the clutter and act on reducing instead of ignoring it all | Old fashioned desk trendle sewing machine in our hallway used as a decorative item we all have to walk around |
| Lori | My husband and I have different "drop zones" that we manage. He is tidier than the rest of the family in our shared spaces and kind when it comes to helping clean up. | I am my own worst enemy with many piles "in-progess." | I wish to schedule and honor clean-up and decluttering time more regularly. | |
| Anonymous user | My husband supports my effort by keeping his own stuff lean. But sometimes he's discards too easily. A couple of years back he gave away some lawn chairs and then every summer since he asks me where they are. I tell him he gave them away. This summer he bought 2 new lawn chairs but they're not as nice as the ones he gave away. My daughter adds to my kitchen clutter by purchasing kitchen gadgets that are never used. (She likes to cook and lives with us). | My daughter over purchases all kinds of items. I try to keep them to her bedroom, but sometimes that isn't possible. | I would wish my adult daughter would organize her bedroom. She has an empty closet and doesn't fill it -- just keeps stuff laying on the floor around the room. | My son's pottery creations he made in high school. He lives in another state in temporary housing and can't store it. My husband would pitch it. I'm saving it for when he's more settled. |
| Anonymous user | I live alone (with a dog) so no helpers, sadly. | I often feel I should pay more attention to my dog and her ever-shedding hair so I’m my worst enemy. Any excuse to procrastinate and to see things as useful to save “for the dog” — like extra towels, a random bowl, extra blankets and dog accessories from previous dogs of different sizes. | Better habits for myself so I don’t procrastinate | N/a |
| Jane | None. I live alone. That said, several friends have helped with decluttering my garage (including hauling things away). | I'm my own worst enemy. When donations are prepared and put in the car, I sometimes will pull something out before dropping the rest off. Giving myself that permission has helped with my letting more go, though. Many times, the items(s) pulled out go with the next donation drop. Sometimes, I just need a little more time to be ready to let go of certain items. | A friend who helps with this process sometimes tries to talk me into keeping things. I've found it's easier to keep these or to ask if he wants them than to spend energy on that discussion. Although I wish helpers wouldn't try to talk me into keeping things, the help is valuable and the items they aren't ready to see go can always leave later. | Since 2019, I've kept things in my garage that were used at an annual event. The event didn't happen in 2020 and hasn't happened since. Many of these things have left this year, as the event still hasn't been scheduled. A large item for this is still in my garage. The person who helps with my decluttering effort has questioned letting it go. I have pictures it's in and am completely ready to see it off. Once my friend is ready to see it off, it will be out of here. For clarity, I need his vehicle to take it away. |
| Cathie | Hubby takes out trash, & sorts his dirty clothes & towels into correct hampers. | Hubby is 73 & in poor health. He can't let go of any old trinkets or memento, tools he never uses anymore, or even worn out clothes & shoes. I refuse to mend anymore, so at least the clothes do eventually go away. | Can't make this wish. Elderly sick hubby's pain & sadness trump any hopes for changes to amounts of "stuff". I keep getting rid of mine, & then his doesn't look like such big amounts. | Hubby's school year books that he NEVER looks at. Tools that are no longer used, EVER. |
| Intignia | My husband is both a help and a hindrance. He causes a lot of the clutter, but when I do have a donation box ready to go he very willingly takes it for me (I do not drive for medical reasons). | My son found in the give-away bag two pair of guinea pig patterned socks (I love guinea pigs) which he had lovingly found and bought for me last Christmas. He got upset. But they don't fit properly as they keep sliding off my feet. I was ready to donate a smaller Barbie dollhouse which I had enjoyed, but had now replaced with a bigger one. My husband had bought it for me. He frowned so dourly that I took it back to my room. | I wish people wouldn't look at getting rid of stuff as a big waste of money. People spend big bucks on eating out or entertainment and feel it is money well spent. I am mostly homebound and like to buy new Barbie things. I play with them and enjoy them, and then pass them on. I have enjoyed the experience of having them for a short time. How is that any different than going to a concert, or play, or the movies? I love these items, but space is severely limited as I live in a one-bedroom seniors apartment. | Books. My husband loves books. We live in a tiny-one-bedroom apartment for seniors. We have a bookcase on which the tv sits. Sweet hubby has the whole thing minus three books that I am not ready to get rid of, the rest are all his. The rule is you can keep as many books as will fit on this 3-shelf bookcase. His books fill up the bookcase and spill over onto the floor. He has them stacked beside the bed. I have tripped on them numerous times and find it difficult to get to the bed to change the sheets because they are in the way. I don't mind him having books; it's just that we don't have room for so many. |
| Ros | my housemate/friend drives me to deliver things I am discarding, all of his things that move about are on his desk in his bedroom - living room stays neat because rarely are things taken off shelves. | none | none | We don't disagree because we respect the other person's right to their personal property. We have lived together for 35 years and are happy to accommodate each other. He wants his stuff organized (so he can find a book or other item easily, and I am happy to help him with that. |
| Anonymous user | My husband is a neat, tidy person and does his share of house work. This makes it easier to keep things organized. I wish my children had married people who believed in doing a share of the work that it takes to run a household. Unfortunately, they didn’t. | I wish my children’s spouses would learn to do their share of cleaning and organizing, because my grandchildren can’t learn what isn’t being shown to them. I also wish my children’ spouses would learn that “things” don’t make children happy, and that time spent with children is better than “stuff “. | Oh my, where do I start? The things in the basement that haven’t been used for 23+ years but are kept in case they’re needed “someday”. (23 years is when the last child left home, so I know these things haven’t been used since before then.) For example, the many ubiquitous jars/cans/boxes of mixed screws, nuts, bolts, unknown parts, etc. A huge oak bureau in our bedroom which is always empty because the drawers are too deep and awkward to use. He puts the things from his pockets on top of it every night and we haven’t found a solution yet. We also disagree on whether the only spatula in the house ( which I use but he doesn’t) is useful, The compromise is to put it in the furthest space in the kitchen, so I have to retrieve it every single time I use it or if he realizes he needs it and can’t find it. | |
| Anonymous user | My daughter will cheer me on but has her own challenges :-). My mom is not able to help but will pare down when I work with her. 4 generation household. My grandson will donate toys when we decide it is time to go through them. | If the toys don't leave asap then the grandson wants to keep a few. Daughter has issues keeping trash and clothes or items in her own room. | Everyone to pick up daily after themselves. Not let surfaces like tables or desks get out of control. | So many books and crafty things for Mom, crafty stuff for me. Who knows what in the garage, too hot to deal with it until Nov. |
| Celina | My sister asks me if I really need another of those amazing cardboard boxes... or she can just trash them. I love her. | Well... sometimes my sister actually has a very cool box that's hard to resis when she asks if I want to keep it for my never-happening online sales shipping. | Nah, it's all good. | Sometimes when our mom gives us something (some food) and neither me nor my sister want to devour it selflessly, it ends up rotting due to us not arranging for it specifically. I hate wasting food. |
| Diana | My husband will do specific tasks if I ask him to. | My husband won’t let me touch several rooms that he considers to be “his”. | I wish my husband would let me work with him to declutter “his” rooms. | Very old clothes and electronics that he will never use again. |
| Anonymous user | Everyone takes responsibility for their own areas. If I don't like the level of clutter and filth, I don't have to look in there. | My adult daughter uses my study as her laundry area, and it is completely full of her clothes. She also uses the dining room as a staging area to pack and unpack for camping trips, and it stays full as well. I don't push her because I have my own messes, and I would feel hypocritical unless I pick up my stuff first. Plus she has lots of stress right now because she is pushing forward on other things in her life. | Everybody keep their mess out of common spaces. | Some of my husband's clothes make him look homeless. |
| Name (click to view full survey response and comments) | Which household member(s) support your decluttering or organizing efforts, and how? | Which household member(s) complicate your decluttering or organizing efforts, and how? | If you were to wish for one change of behavior in your household with respect to clutter, what would you wish for? | Describe an item about which you have a strong disagreement over whether or not it deserves a place in your home. |
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